Mindful Communication

When to use:

• When the Mentee encounters communication difficulties
• When the Mentee is in conflict with someone
• To improve communication

Props:

• A4 sheet of paper
• Colored markers/highlighters
• Virtual whiteboard, if working remotely (e.g., Miro, Mural)

Instructions:

Ask the Mentee to describe a situation involving difficult communication using the following questions:

• What was the situation about?
• Who was involved?
• How did the difficulty arise?
• What kind of difficulty was it?
• What did you want from this person in this situation?
• What did you get? What did you get?
• What did other people want to receive?
• What did they get? What did they get?
• What did you feel in this situation?
• What would you like to feel in this situation?
• Did you solve the problem?
• If so, how?
• If not, why?

Based on the Mentee's answers, delve deeper into important aspects related to the communication difficulty. If you see something the Mentee could have done differently, ask if you can share it.

If the Mentee experiences communication difficulties frequently, ask them to keep a communication journal, including the questions you asked during this session. Encourage the Mentee to carefully observe themselves in their relationships with others.

If you consider this appropriate for the Mentee's situation, encourage the Mentee to use Marshall Rosenberg's concept of nonviolent communication.

Communication methods can be divided into two types - "YOU" messages and "I" messages.

• "YOU" messages - these are negative judgments or evaluations directed at another person. A "YOU" message causes the person to whom it is addressed to feel attacked, trapped, blamed, and to try to defend themselves at all costs. As a result, they hurt each other more and more precisely, and the chances of reaching an understanding decrease to zero.
• "I" messages - focus on the emotions and needs of the sender. Instead of attacking the other person, we draw their attention to how a given situation affects us. This approach minimizes the risk of escalating conflict and helps to reach an understanding.

An I-message consists of 4 elements:

• Expression of feelings and emotions (I am angry/happy/sad/disappointed)
• Description of the facts to which we are referring. It is important that it refers to specific behaviors and situations, and not be reduced to an assessment of them.
• Expression of needs, explaining why a given situation evoked certain feelings.
• Communication of expectations/requests related to the situation (if necessary)

“When you (behavior), I (feeling), because (need). I would like (specific request)”

Source: own work.